A Higher Education
by MissPixel and Lurbe Flummel
Summary: Since that's probably going to be on most of your minds as we head into the summer next year, we feel we should help you out.
1. Klaos's 1st College Essay

_**1.What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has influenced your thinking, and in what way?  
(University of Virginia applicants to the College of Arts and Sciences)**_

I don't really follow art, music, science, mathematics, or literature because I prefer to go outside into the action myself. I actually dislike people who spend all their time on the nagging little details while a group of Crimsons or something is preparing to spring and ambush, and _you're helpless to stop it! _My friend Pai, for example, is a smart, attractive young elementalist, and the best I know for setting some randomly generated beast on fire, but she has this thing with knowing all the backstories for what she does. Every time we get some quest, she goes straight to a library or talks to some old sage or goes to Panuku or something (actually, I think she just goes to Panuku just because she likes him, because he doesn't know _stercus_). Personally, I just don't get that. Me, I really don't care what Shiro was like as a young warrior; I just go out there, kill him, collect my reward, and move on. I mean, in the end, art, music, science, mathematics, or literature won't come to your rescue when you have a group of irritated afflicted on your heels. If we all stopped to admire the fine arts and/or sciences, we'd be dead before we could determine if it's a skull or a feather in the bottom of the painting!

However, I do feel that I would make a valuable contribution to you school. Clearly, your campus is full of "cultured" people who have nothing better to do than sit around listening to Bach all day, and as such, they obviously have no experience in defending themselves from Am Fah or any such organization. Therefore, I propose you accept me into your school as a sort of protector, and I will make sure that, for a price, your students will not be harmed in any way. As a just reward for these services, I propose a flat fee of 2000 gold and 5000 experience points, for any monsters that I face beyond 100 a week (it's not my fault if your campus is in a particularly infected region), I would like to claim a 10 gold bounty on each of them. I also claim rights to all drops that I receive from killing said creatures, as well as sole marketing rights on campus. Should this be violated, I _will _sue! That being said, I also expect your staff to work to the fullest of their ability to boost my attributes and skills, otherwise, I might take my business elsewhere.

Klaos Blackadder


	2. Bastien's 1st College Essay

**_2.Discuss how a particular work of music, literature, or art has inspired your life. (William and Mary)_**

dir wilim & miry,

i m nut a perticulirly literit persin. howivir, unlik mi fathir klos, i cin rid & rit a littil.

howivir, won wirk of literitir has inspirid me a lot. lit me hixplayn:

i wis witing in the Munistiry for mi Hidmasir to shew up. the Munistiry is a wandirfil plas: it is mayd of grate ston & is kul, kwite, & pisefil. it wus mad bisum brothirs who wir luking for a pise, kwite, & kul plas in ordir to iskap l the dith & distrekshun of the wirld. the Munistiry is a sintuiry for pipil & also a plas of rist & hiling. so i wis witing hir for mi Hidmasir so i cid go kill mintids, which r pithitik & stewpid. & as i wis witing, i wis lewking arawnd. i siw this ston, & i thot "this cid be yewsfil" so i wint ovir to it. it had riting on it. it wis this riting that chaynged mi lif.

it sid "tiblit of wizdim". lewking arond, i fond mani mor. i red them. they inspirid me a lot. they tot me how to do things lik unlik skils, captir signits, kwists & mishins, wirds, hinchmin, heksastin, atribits, adrinilin, armir, bows, gilds, pvp & spirits.

yewsing what i lirned from this tablits, i wis able to difet miny bests & afliktids.

that wis the literitir that has inspird mi lif.

think u,

bastin kloski


	3. Pai's 1st College Essay

**3. Sartre said "Hell is other people," while Streisand sang, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." With whom do you agree? (Amherst)**

People always get the wrong impression about my attitude towards people. Sure, Cantha is a big place, and full of up and coming young adventurers who love to chitchat and go out on "fun" adventures, but one must understand, there is more to life than Hunter's-Ale parties and that silly mantid fighting arena in Seitung (400 gold on Zippy, the mantid drone with the lopsided antennas).

A substitute for people? Henchmen, of course. See, they know they'd better get it right, otherwise they get their pay docked, and nobody wants to make a stink about money.

Now, to the root of my problem. For many years since graduation I have traveled alongside my good friend Klaos Blackadder (boyfriend? He says so, but we only had one romantic dinner in House zu Heltzer, we aren't very romantic at all, and I'm never sure where he's taking it and I think he's too scatterbrained for commitment - ), a rather dashing young assassin who likes to tank and on the outside seems like a very capable person. However, he does seem to need me around an awful lot – as in, all the time – and while it's good that I'm wanted, which is a nice start to a relationship, he really needs to learn to go out and fend for himself once in a while. This is the problem with people, you see, it's so hard these days to find someone who can actually stay alive while running Ferndale and not go make life difficult for the rest of us by aggroing every! single! Dwayna-damned Dragon Moss from there till Elona.

This brings me to my point: three years of dying and dying and dying on the outskirts of the monastery and he remains sadly unaware that assassins are simply not built for heavy physical abuse. This is one reason I believe your school will help me. It's time for a talented young pyromancer like me to start going with adventurers more in keeping with my ability level.

On an unrelated note, Klaos also has a problem with my love of history. Let's see how hard he laughs when he gets killed by some fallen god because he doesn't know how the other gods vanquished him! Or when I smite Shiro using the secret technique that Vizu used to disarm him while the silly boy stands by in dumfounded wonder!

I mean, personally, I find it rewarding to learn things. Life is just so much richer when you are acutely aware of the things in your environment. For example, did you know that in his youth, Master Togo defeated not only one, but two Am Fah guild leaders one-on-one? And Panaku, killed that Tengu elder Honorclaw with one fell stroke! And you know, Headmaster Vhang always goes on about his "great successes", but I'll be he doesn't know that Kai Ying single-handedly took on Jin the Skull Bow, or that Zho vanquished –

_--_

_Vides?_ She does this. All the time. Gets a bit much, eh? Going on and on about her so-called great instructors. _Mi Di. _Praising the henches, of all people.  
She's definitely having an affair with Panaku. Or maybe lots of affairs, godsdammit, she never tells me anything. Well, I know she hates Vhang, so there's one down…

--

Well, there is certainly enough here, I think, to convince you that I am a solid candidate for your school. Maybe the people I find there will be more tolerable. Maybe your guidance will change my long-standing opinion about obnoxious adventurers, and perhaps with your help I will branch out and learn to appreciate my peers.

Actually, let's be clear. I'm keeping my secret lov – I mean henches – with me, wherever I go, no matter how good and uppity you think your silly college is.

Yours truly,  
Pai Plumei


End file.
